Jun 25, 2011

okay without you?

Okay, hello. i have to write this. I've been meaning to write this post for weeks but u know me :\ now here it is. would i be okay without you? by you i mean someone that used to be my lover.oh by the way..i am without him now.. i hope he's not reading this, i just want to express my feelings here. not to make him feel guilty or whatsoever..just feel like writing what i feel, cause that's the reason why i blog. He's a great guy, I don't hate him, I would never hate him. but maybe he's not for me maybe there's a better plan for both of us in the future.

There are questions that has been lingering on my mind for the past few days. of course i am still sad for what had happened, but i'm getting better, i stopped crying for 2 months already. but..yeah..there's a BUT... i keep thinking about the break up over and over again, every single day, before i sleep.. imagine,every single day. It's hard for me, so i try to make myself busy now.. by doing some activities.. just to make myself tired and forget everything...

okay,back to the story I am okay without him, by okay I mean I can still live my life normally.. I still can sleep,eat,having fun,breathe..   but I can't handle the loneliness and emptiness :( I just can't go through it, because he was my everything.. for those who are close to me, they know that I hate texting. I only text my ex back then. so my days are empty now,without him. I barely touch my phone..that's who I am, when I love someone, I tend to make that person as my world,my universe. u know what I mean aite? Although I look like someone who doesn't cry/care, I'm actually a very sentimental person..yeah..I would do anything, sometimes I just don't know know how.. I don't know how to look like I care,I'm sorry :( I've  tried my best. I'm not expressive.. even if I'm jealous, I keep it to myself and look like I don't give a damn..I usually express my feelings by writing..like right now...

Now all the memories keep coming back, sometimes I feel like crying... I still remember this one time when I went a bit unstable,I texted my friend and asked her for his number.. just to ask him why he broke up with me[this was years ago..we broke up twice]that was after 5months we brke up.. during that time, I can't study ,I was so broken, I was weak..cam pondan u know :P  I can't control myself.. but that was ages ago..but I still remember everything, the last time i met him..

It's not that I haven't move on.. I just feel like writing this, I don't have anyone close to tell these kind of things,so now I'm talking to my blog. :) Alhamdulillah that now I'm able to control myself, maybe because I'm older now, n matured?

okay, thats all i think :]
feel so much better now..
 tunggang terbalik lah post ni, i just write what's on my mind! ..


whiteCASTLE said...

Although I look like someone who doesn't cry/care, I'm actually a very sentimental person..

ni la..muka legend tp hati kiut miut..hehehee.. =P

shikin said...

there will be someone better:D

cik bulan said...

muka legend hati kiut <3 :P

shikin : george clooney ade :D

nadd. said...

heyyyyy im always here kan :(( be strong sayang!

cik bulan said...

haha tau2! bertahun2 dan still counting :)

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