Mar 20, 2011

words.

I know I made a lot of stupid mistakes in my life, but the worst one was thinking the person who hurt me the most wouldn't hurt me again.

a friend posted this quote on his Facebook. his story is almost the same as mine. well, i feel like crying right now. my life is still the same, no matter how much i spend my time with my friends..i still can't get over it. i never felt this way. i don't know how to handle my feelings. i just can pretend that everything is fine,and smile. that is the only thing that i can do right now.call me stupid,call me stubborn, call me anything. i was blind by the love.I chose to be a fool in love.

every single day, i think about what I've been through. before i sleep,when i wake up from sleep. it still hurts. sometimes i ask myself, what would my life be if we didn't meet? would i be happy now? my life would be much better? i know its fate. but the questions keep lingering in my head.

seeing my old blogpost makes me realize how happy i was before....now i just feel plain. like i have nothing, i have no interest to do anything. at some point, i thought i moved on. but no.i didn't. there's always something that reminds me of him.

i'm shattered. i was busy picking up the pieces of my heart and i forgot to move on. i'm still in the past. wouldn't it be much better if i can erase all the memories, it's just hard to wake up every morning and face the reality.

for the past 6/7 days ,i had dreams about him. i asked him to forgive me. maybe because i think too much, since the last post that i wrote about him, i really feel bad for myself.i feel guilty. it's not nice to write like that, i was angry, sad and disappointed. i was confused, i don't know which is the real reason he left me. well i still am. and i'm not planning to know about it, i'm afraid that it will hurt me more.

i don't know whether he still reads my blog or not. but i'm sorry for everything. hating you is the hardest thing to do. i hope u'll forgive me, i don't want to hate you because it's killing me and believe me it's hard.

this is what i really feel....well i guess i should stop writing, or else a lot of unnecessary words will come out from my hands.

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